The Hogwarts Newsletter
by Bellamort500
Summary: The Hogwarts Newsletter is here to help students follow the rules and to finally find out if Snape is a Vampire.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students, I decided that once a week you shall receive a Hogwarts News Letter informing you of any new rules or just general topics of the week.

Yours sincerely Headmaster Dumbledor

Dear Students,

Professor Snape would like me to inform you that next person who tries to hug him will be in detention until they graduate, Professor McGonagall wants who ever keeps sending her tins of tuna to stop.

I would like to personally assure the first years that Professor Snape is not a Vampire and also never believe anything Fred or George Weasley tell you.

Thank you for reading Headmaster Dumbledore 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter**

Dear Students

I would like to remind certain students that you are allowed to keep Owls,cats,toads or rats as a pet at Hogwarts but Dragons and tigers are Forbidden.

Also it has come to my attention that some of you find it funny to stalk Professor Snape until he Snaps but Professor Snape nor any other member staff find it funny so please stop and no that doesn't mean you can stalk Filch either.

Have a grovey day Albus Dumbledore

Dear Students

As upsetting as some of you may find breaking a nail it is not a good enough excuse for not going to class nor is you just didn't feel like.

I would like to take this time to put a stop to the rumour that there gold hidden under the Whomping willow because there really isn't no matter what Fred and George tell you.

Also while I still have your attention who ever stole Professor McGonagalls wand please return it.

Thank you very much for reading yours sincerly Albus Dumbledore

**Thanks to Coco Black for reviewing **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear students

I would like to take this time to inform you that every Tuesday is now going to be cup cake day, Also There is a certain rumour going around Hogwarts, that Voldemort is my secret son, it is false and who ever keeps spreading theses rumours please stop.

Thanks to the recent prank played on the Slytherins theses following things are banned from Hogwarts poisonous snakes,roller skates and enchanted teddy bears.

many thanks Albus Dumbledore

Dear students

Hogwarts is perfectly fine the way it is so please stop repainting the walls bright pink also who ever keeps writing Santa was here outside my office , I would be really grateful if you stopped, On a different but very serious note giving yesterdays incident I want to make this very clear there has not been nor will there ever be a bring a muggle to Hogwarts day.

Have an awesome day Albus Dumbledore 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter **

Dear Students

This week it has come to my and other members of staff attention that many of you are skipping class to attend meetings of The order of the rubber ducks formed by Mr. Fred and George so I would like to request that if you really feel you most be a member of a group that wants to worship a rubber duck do it in your own time.

You cannot sue any Professor for giving you detention so don't even bother trying because even if you managed to find a lawyer to take on the case the schools lawyers are the best in the wizarding world.

Also I would like to point out the reason the Forbidden forest is called the Forbidden forest is because you are Forbidden to go in there .

Yours sincerely Albus Dumbledore

Dear Students

First of I would like to reassure the first years that if you shower will not melt and it was wrong for the older students to say that you would.

Now on a completely different note I have looked at the letters sent to me asking if we can build a giant pyramid with the face of bunny on it and I am afraid I am going to have say no because school governers would never allow it and afraid the chocolate shrine for Professor Snape is a no as well.

Anyone who wants to join the Purple Dragon book club please speak to Professor McGonagall.

Saturday night between 7 - 10 pm a Karoake night will be held in the great hall.

yours sincerely Albus Dumbledore

Dear Students

After such a popular turn out for Saturdays Karoake night I have decided that every Saturday Karoake will held in the great hall.

Now on to a very serious matter someone has decided it would be funny to swap my lemon drops with Peas an I have a pretty good idea who so I would like to say if this happens again you will be serving detention for a month.

This is a school you are here to learn not to annoy Professor Snape.

Many thanks Albus Dumbledore

**Thanks** **to JusticeIsBlind13 for reviewing**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter **

Dear Students

I like a good prank but the recent Prank played on Professor Snape was just outright dangerous so now theses following things are banned,Skateboard,bears and chocolate fountains

Professor McGonagall would like me to remind you that your homework should be signed with your real names not, Mr Happy pants, I want a pony ,your future overlord .

Who ever sold the first years jelly beans and claimed they were magic is here by ordered to give them a refund.

Have a grovey week Albus Dumbledore

Dear Students

The following excuses for not doing your homework will not get you out of detention , Aliens ate It, a giant goldfish stole it, a chicken wanted it for a hat.

None of the Professors nor myself are fun killing robots from mars out to destroy to your happiness.

The rumour going around that Professors McGonagall and Snape are secret lovers is completely false and a little disturbing.

Many thanks Albus Dumbledore

**Thanks to **Hermione Is My Role Model and Professor McGonagal **for reviewing**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

I think yesterdays incident involving Cheese,Ice and a donkey is best forgotten by Staff and Students alike.

Professor Sprout would like me to tell you that the Plants Rock Club will now be on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays an will start at 4pm and end at 5pm.

After many requests from Muggle born students Hogwarts will now have Football as well as Quidditch as a Sport.

Also I have decide to add a Problem page to this newsletter so if any of you have a Problem just owl me.

Your sincerely Albus Dumbledore 


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter**

Dear Students

The Goblins do not have a secret base in the Forbidden Forest were they like to build cheese monster so stop saying they have because its beginning to get annoying.

Threatening Hermione or any Ravenclaw with burning down the library so they do homework will result in detention.

Misters Fred and George will be paying back the money they charged for people to use the Bathroom or I am writing to their mother.

**Problem page **

_**Problem**__ : _

_Dear Headmaster _

_I really like this girl who just happens to be my best friend , shes really smart and can totally kick Malfoys arse but I don't know if she likes me to._

_sincerely The red headed Griffondor_

**Reply**_: _

_Dear red headed Griffondor _

_Ask her out for date this Hogsmead weekend if she says yes than she like you if she says no there are plenty more fish in the sea._

_**Problem: **_

_Dear Headmaster_

_We blow up Snapes classroom and his really mad about it so we were wondering if you could talk to him ._

_Many thanks Awesome twins_

_**reply**_

Dear Awesome twins

No I won't talk to him your the ones who decide to add your potions ingredients in reverse order.

From Dumbledore

**Problem page**

Sincerely Albus Dumbledore

**A massive thank you to my reviewers**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter**

Dear Students

I have to confess my great disapproval at you for using paint guns on the ministry official yesterday but no punishment will be given on grounds the guy was a complete jerk just don't do it again.

The forbidden forest is not the place to hold a sleep over nor is it the place to a rave just stopping going into the forbidden forest.

If your bored read a book or do your homework do not break into Professor Snapes quarters steal his clothes and pretend to be his mini me.

**Problem page **

**Problem:**

Dear Professor, yesterday

Snape gave us detention

for no reason, could you

please talk him out of it

because we have Quidditch

Practise on the day of the

detention and it's the only

time we will be able to

practise before the

Quidditch Cup takes place

because all the other days

are booked. Sincerely, The

Twins.

**Reply: **

Dear The Twins, no I won't

talk PROFESSOR Snape out

of it because I know why

he gave you detention. You

dyed his hair pink and blew

up his Potions ingredients

supply. Sincerely, A.D.

**Problem : **

Dear Headmaster

I find Quidditch really boring but my friends go on and about until I want to punch them in face so how do I get them to shut up with out having to hurt them.

sincerely the Griffondor know it all

**Reply:**

Dear Griffondor know it all

First of all I suggest you seek anger management,second just subtly change the subject to something you find interesting.

Sincerely A.D

**Problem: **

Dear Headmaster

A muggle born is smarter than me and my father says I am a disgrace to the family name what should I do.

From The Silver Dragon

**Reply: **

Dear Silver Dragon

Your father is just a complete moron don't worry about what he thinks there is no shame in a Muggle born smarter than you .

Sincerely A.D

**Problem Page **

Have a brilliant week A.D

**Thank you to Hermione is My Role Model for reviewing**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter **

Dear Students

Just because a Prefect got drunk and decided to sing the alphabet,dye their hair bright purple and Propose to Filch it does not mean you have to do the same thing.

Turning the Great Hall into a swimming pool in the summer is a good idea but a stupid idea during winter.

Voldemort is not a fluffy bunny who likes chocolate Ice cream he is in fact a murdering nut job with daddy issues.

The rumour going around claiming that Harry Potter is Really Voldemort and Bellatrix Son is completely false.

**Problem page **

**Problem: **

Dear Headmaster

All the other houses treat Hufflepuff like we're push overs how can I change people opinions.

Sincerely Bumblebee

**Reply :**

Dear Bumblebee

Try encouraging the other Hufflepuffs to do something dangerous and idiotic like a Griffondor .

Sincerely A.D

**Problem : **

Dear Dumbles

The giant goldfish are attacking help us.

Sincerely The Twins

**Reply :**

Dear Twins

There are no giant golden fish and do not call me Dumbles

Sincerely A.D

**A Great big thank you to my reviewers**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter **

Dear Students

I have never dated Filch nor do I want to date Filch so stop sending me letters asking when where going to get married. Professor Snape is not dating Filch and No Filch is not dating his cat Mrs. Norris Filch is not dating anyone.

Hogwarts is not under attack by Zombies,Flying goats or Evil pickles Hogwarts is not under attack full stop So quit screaming we are unless we really are under attack then scream away.

Who ever put up wanted poster of Professor Sprout saying shes wanted in connection with aiding the pumpkins escaping the unicorns army of doom please take them down now.

**Problem page **

**Problem : **

Dear Headmaster

My cat keeps stalking Snape and its creeping me out how do stop her

Sincerely My cat is a Weird

**Reply : **

Dear My cat is Weird

Your cat is only following Professor Snape because he smells like tuna thanks to a prank by the Weasley twins , the effects should wear off next week.

Sincerely A.D

**Problem **

Dear Dumbledore

Every year you send me home to Dursleys the human versions blast end skerets why is that .

from Harry Potter

**Reply **

Dear Mr. Potter

I cannot tell you why only that you must but one day I will be able to tell you the why.

Sincerely A.D

**Problem page **

**Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model and Professor McGonagal for reviewing**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter**_

_Dear Students _

_Please stop writing to Voldemort the man is homicidal manic not a pen pal for the love Merlin if you really want to write to some one write to a friend or Family member but no writing to people that want to kill Harry Potter._

_No that does not mean you can write homicidal manics that don't want to kill Harry Potter._

_Professor Snape is never going to read you a bed time story nor will he ever sing you Lullaby so stop asking._

_Even if you say " I Love you" to Professor McGonagall she will still punish you for stealing her wand._

**Problem page **

**Problem :**

_Dear Professor_

_I like this really nice pretty girl but I think she's dating someone who I share my dorm with, what should I_

_do? How should I tell her I love her?_

_Also, what if she doesn't love me?_

_Sincerely, Harry Potter_

**Reply**

_Dear Harry Potter_

_Is this something to do with a_

_certain young redhead who is the_

_brother of your friend Ron? If so, I_

_would advise you to just wait until_

_the right moment, and maybe buy_

_her some nice presents and invite_

_her out to Hogsmeade. If she IS_

_dating someone else, don't try to_

_kiss her or date her or do anything_

_too...intimate...with her, because_

_that will make her boyfriend jealous._

_And don't worry, I'm sure she is very_

_fond of you._

_Best wishes, Albus Dumbledore._

**Problem :**

_Dear Professor _

_My boyfriends ego rivals that of Lockharts how can I make him more humble._

_Sincerely Ravenclaw Jess _

**Reply : **

_Dear Ravenclaw Jess _

_Just dump him its impossible to make someone there clearly not so why bother trying._

_Sincerely A.D_

**A massive thank you to my reviewers**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer I do not Own Harry Potter **

Dear Students

Given the recent twins Weasley leaving the school grounds breaking into Malfoy Manor and holding Nagini hostage until Voldemort brought them Pony incident Hogsmead weekend will be suspended for a month.

Just because Harry Potter decided to shave off his eye brows , paint his face blue and wear only bathrobes does not mean he has finally lost the plot and you are not to tell Rita Skeeter he has.

**Problem page **

**problem: **

Dear Dumbledore

We think we are being unfairly treated by the staff they have it in for us always giving us detention for the smallest of things So what are you going to do about it.

Sincerely The Weasley Twins

**Reply: **

Dear Twins

You have never been unfairly treated by the staff and you only keep getting detention because you do stupid stuff like fill Professor Snapes office with fish sauce or turn up for class naked wearing a purple wig .

Sincerely A.D

**Problem:**

Dear Headmaster

I am in love with Ron Weasley but everybody can see he's in love with Hermione Granger.

What should I do .

Sincerely Rainbow bunnies

**Reply :**

Dear Rainbow bunnies

If he loves another there is nothing you can do but let your feelings fade for him and then move on.

Sincerely A.D

**Problem:**

Dear Headmaster

I really like this boy but were complete opposite I like to study he likes to play Quidditch we argue a lot to.

can opposites work ?

Sincerely Hermione Granger

**Reply:**

Dear Miss Granger

Yes Oppsites can work take Lily Evans and James Potter there were complete an utter Oppsites and they worked.

Sincerely A.D

**Problem Page **

Thank you for Reading have a funky week A.D

_**A Massive thank you to my Reviewers.**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter **

Dear Students

Just because Luna Lovegood sees things you cannot it doesn't mean it not real I mean Muggles cannot see Hogwarts but Hogwarts still exists.

Filch would like me to tell you if he ever catches the Person who flooded Charms classroom with Hot Chocolate you'll be serving detention until you graduate also who ever owns the giant panda which is currently in Professor Snape office please come and claim it.

**Problem Page**

**Problem : **

Dear Headmaster

I am really worried about the Nargles taking over Hogwarts and making it there Home .

Sincerely Luna Lovegood

**Reply : **

Dear Miss Lovegood

I am aware of Nargle problem and I am dealing with but if you also have ideas on how to handle them feel free to drop by my office.

Sincerely A.D

**Problem Page **

Sincerely A.D


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear students

No one in there right mind is ever going to buy the excuse Purple bunnies kidnapped me and took me to the moon as an excuse for not turning up to class.

The ministry would like me to inform the following students that they are never to contact the ministry again and George Weasley, Lee Jordan and Harry Potter what ever possessed you four to send howlers to ministry saying dragons and donkeys are plotting to take over the world I will never know.

Problem page

Dear Professor Dumbledore

Somebody has put Nifflers in my office and they are currently wrecking it and they are scaring poor Mrs Norris. I know it was Peeves, because he hates me. Either it was him or those damn Weasley Twins. Please could you expell all three of them. I have had enough.  
Sincerely, The Hogwarts Caretaker.

Dear The Hogwarts Caretaker Innocent until proven guilty. I am sending Hagrid to get the Nifflers out.

Sincerely, A.D.

Dear Headmaster

If you could have small word with Professor McGonagall about her giving me detention on Friday for nothing I'd be really grateful.

Sincerely Harry Potter

Dear Mr. Potter

No I won't have a word with Professor McGonagall you totally deserve detention for turning the Griffondor Common Room into mud bath.

Sincerely A.D

Problem Page

Go Go Go flying kangaroos Sincerely A.D

Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model for reviewing 


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

I think it best that none of you mention the Whole Professor Snape shaving all his hair off, dressing up in a father Christmas costume and trying to kiss Professor Sprout incident to your parents.

A flamingo is not responsible for the girls bathrooms being destroyed Lee Jordan is.

Problem page

Dear Professor Dumbledore My twin is dating this girl who I really like, I won't tell you her name but her initials are A.J. and she has black hair and she is on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. How can I convince them to break up without hurting either of them?  
Sincerely, One Of The Weasley Twins.

Dear One Of The Weasley Twins I would not try and make them break up. If they truly love each other, do not ruin their relationship!  
However, you can still...um...flirt with her by buying her Valentines presents and making yourself even more charming in front of her. I hope it helps.  
Best wishes, Professor Dumbledore.

Dear Headmaster.  
My aunt, uncle and cousin are all horrible to me. They abused me for ten years and made me sleep in a cupboard, and ever since I came to Hogwarts they locked all my magic stuff in the cupboard under the stairs every summer, even my textbooks and homework stuff, and they locked Hedwig in her cage so she couldn't fly anywhere, and my cousin once tried to stick my head down the toilet, and my aunt makes me cook, and I went to a primary school where everyone hated me because of Dudley, and once my uncle locked me in the cupboard all summer for no particular reason, and they refused to sign my Hogsmeade permission slip and my aunt and uncle told me my parents died in a car crash, and...well...do I really have to go back there? Hogwarts is more my home than Privet Drive will ever be.  
Sincerely, H.P.

Dear H.P.  
OH MY GOD HARRY, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ALL THIS BEFORE? IF I HAD KNOWN, YOU'D NEVER HAVE STAYED THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
Of course you don't have to go back there! I'll contact Molly Weasley and tell her you will be staying there for summer from now on! Meanwhile, I will KILL those blasted Dursleys!  
Sincerely, a very angry and upset Albus Dumbledore.

Thanks to r Hermione Is My Role Model for reviewing 


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

If you see a gorilla with blue fur with a purple stripe going down its back wandering the grounds just run for the love of Merlin run as fast as you can.  
There never was nor has there ever been fifth house of Hogwarts founded by a sausage.

Problem page

Dear Headmaster

Me and my best friend both like the same boy and its causing a rift between us how can I repair our friendship.

Sincerely Daisy

Dear Daisy

The only advice I can give is which is more important to you and friend a boy or friendship, if a boy is more important than you were never real friends in the first place.

Sincerely A.D

Dear Professor Do you know of a spell or potion to cure ugliness?  
Sincerely, Millicent Bulstrode.

Dear Millicent Bulstrode.  
Indeed I do, but let me assure you that you are most certainly not ugly.  
You are very pretty, even if those around you say otherwise. In fact, I heard someone saying the other day that they wish they had your beautiful blue eyes. I hope that makes you feel better.  
Kind regards, Albus Dumbledore.

Problem Page

Sincerely A.D

Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model for reviewing your totally awesome 


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer I do not Own Harry Potter

Dear Students

Just because someone is sorted into Slytherin it doesn't automatically make them evil although Ninety -Five percent of them do grow up to homicidal nut jobs who want to kill any one who's not an interbreed moron.

Just because the Weasley twins told you to dress up as a Smurf and sing Mary had a little Lamb it doesn't mean you actually had to do it but it was hilarious to watch.

Problem Page

Dear Professor My scar hurts.  
H.J.P.

Dear H.J.P I know. I cannot do anything about it.  
Sincerely; A.D.

Dear Headmaster, is it true you like sherbet lemons?  
Sincerely, Double Ginger Trouble

Dear Double Ginger Trouble

This is a PROBLEM PAGE, for students who need help, so stop posting stupid questions. Oh, and yes, I do like Sherbet Lemons.  
Satisfied?

A.D.

Problem Page

Sincerely A.D

Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model for reviewing and your awesome ideas 


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

No matter how tempting it is to go and whack Fudge with a rubber chicken covered in marmite don't do it as it makes Aurours pretty pissy an then they threaten to lock you up .

Also I looked over the request to build a horror themed amusement park and I am afraid its a no we can't get the funding plus Professor McGonagall said no and something about school is for learning not amusement

Problem page

Dear Professor I have seriously HAD ENOUGH! The Weasley twins shut poor Mrs Norris in a cage and floated her down the lake and I know because I SAW THEM DO IT! Professor, I beg of you -  
EXPEL THEM!  
Sincerely, The Hogwarts Caretaker

Dear The Hogwarts Caretaker Argus, be reasonable! Just put them in detention for now. They will be expelled only if they break Wizarding Law, which so far they have not done.  
Sincerely, A.D.

Dear Dumbledore

Snape really does not like us and we have no idea why maybe you could enlighten us.

Sincerely Ella&Rebecca

Dear Ella & Rebecca

The reason Professor Snape doesn't like either of you is because you call him Sevvie, hum the Batman theme tune when ever you see him , told the daily prophet he's a vampire, pranked him numerous times and done several horrible things to him since you've been here at Hogwarts.

A.D

Problem page

Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model and Professor McGonagal for reviewing.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

I have some words of advice for the male students if a girl says does this make me look fat your always supposed to say no you look perfect , always agree when a girl starts bitching about other girls and most important advice I have on girls don't ever snog their best mate because its a sure way to piss them off.

Who ever keeps writing to Professor McGonagall asking if she's ever meet Garfield please stop.

The Weasley twins weren't even born when Hogwarts was so no they do not own the school and they cannot sell to Muggles or anyone else.

Problem Page

Dear Dumbledore

I keep trying to breed a Dementor and a Dragon so I can get a baby Demgon a soul sucking fire breathing monster but with no results, why is that?

Sincerely Lee Jordan

Dear

It is impossible to breed a Dragon and Dementor hence the lack of results.

Sincerely A.D

Dear Headmaster

You have to put a stop to the Weasley twins latest money making scheme of selling my personal belongings.

From the really annoyed boy who lived Harry Potter

Dear

I will put a a stop to right away and get your possessions back and make them give a full refund to people who brought your stuff.

Sincerely A.D

Problem Page

Thank you for reading sincerely A.D

Thanks to JusticeIsBlind13 and Professor McGonagal for reviewing

Author Note : feel free at any time to give me ideas you might have and I will try and put it in the story


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

Just because Draco Malfoy is a whiny spoilt mommy's boy it does not mean you can lock him in a room with a troll and a king cobra, how in Merlins under pants The Weasley twins managed to get a troll into castle unnoticed I will never know.

Professor Snape is not an Orge and he has never eaten flesh you have my personal guarantee on that.

Problem Page

Dear Professor

Can we introduce Muggle sports e.g.  
football, rugby, netball or basketball,  
to Hogwarts? That would be so awesome :) especially for us Muggleborns who dislike Quidditch or prefer Muggle sports. And it would give the pureblood/halfblood wizards a better understanding of the Muggle world!

Sincerely, Colin and Dennis Creevey,  
and lots of other Muggleborns

Dear Colin, Dennis and lots of other Muggleborns

Hmm, I will see if that is possible. I will write to you when it has been approved by the school governors.  
Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore

P.S. What is rugby? Could you teach it to me?

Thanks to Hermione is my Role Model for reviewing 


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

You will not address any Professor as Dumbledores army of flying monkeys, Billy Bob the pickle, Dragon breath or Goat brain because its very disrespectful. You cannot over throw me and make Peeves Headmaster because a) Peeves isn't qualified, b) you don't have any say in who's Headmaster and who isn't so stop trying.

Professor Snape is not Harry Father James Potter is an its disrespectful to Lily Potter memory saying that she cheated on her husband.

Problem Page

Dear Headmaster

Every year some Psycho tries to kill me and its getting really annoying so how can I avoid the whole nut job trying to of me yearly incident.

Harry Potter

Dear Mr. Potter

I have know idea on how you can avoid someone trying to kill every year maybe try wearing a disguise or something.

Sincerely A.D

Dear Dumbles

I really want to feed to Malfoy the annoying smug Pratt to a shark but Professor McGonagall won't let me so I want you to order her to let me.

Sincerely Ron Weasley

Dear

I will not order Professor McGonagall to let you feed to shark but I will ordered you not to feed to a Shark.

Professor Dumbledore

Dear Headmaster

Every time I try to study some moron feels the need to interupt me , do you know of any places I can study without the constant interruptions ? .

Sincerely Hermione Granger

Dear Miss Granger

Try the room of requirement I know that you know how to find the room and don't refer to other people as morons even if most of them are.

Sincerely A.D

Problem Page

Thank you for reading Albus Dumbledore

Thanks to Professor McGonagal for Reviewing 


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

Its impolite to write to Bellatrix Lestrange asking if her and Voldemort have ever had sex and if they have is Voldemort into anything kinky because you've always wondered about it. Also who wrote that letter to Bellatrix Lestrange should maybe consider talking to a shrink because if you really wonder about Voldemorts sex life you must have some kind issues I mean the man is a bald nose less snake faced weirdo for Merlin's sake.

Problem Page

Dear Dumbledore the Bumblebee

The Green Goats want to know why you let us bring a dragon to school.

Sincerely Fred and George Weasley

Dear Weasley twins

There are no green goats, I am not called Dumbledore the Bumblebee and the reason you cannot bring a dragon to school is because I said so.

From Dumbledore

Dear Headmaster My dog Fang keeps getting lost every night but in the morning he turns up very happy and Mrs. Norris keeps walking funny every time I see her.  
What should I do?  
Sincerely Hogwarts GroundKeeper

Dear HG Lock up Fang every night or get him fixed.  
Sincerely AD

Thanks to SUZITROUBLE for reviewing 


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

It is childish to Scream " Troll in the dungeons" then faint every Halloween, no one finds it amusing and does not make you look clever so please stop its beginning to become repetitive also it is inappropriate to wear Death Eater and Proud of it T-shirts even as a Halloween costume.

Professor Snape will not dress up as Batman nor will Professor McGonagall dress up as cat Women for Halloween no matter how many times you ask.

Who keeps sending Mad-eye Moody howlers saying "I am right behind you creepy one eyed dude " stop it immediately.

Also Fred and George Weasley I know for a fact it was you two who stole Fawkes so return him now.

Problem Page

Dear Headmaster

I really want to join the Order however my mum will not let how do you think I can persuade her.

Ron Weasley

Dear

I am not a brave enough man to even consider to give information on how to get Molly let you join the order, Seriously your mother is one scary woman.

Albus Dumbledore

Dear Headmaster

If you don't stop offering me lemon drops I will shove my wand right up your nose.

Professor McGonagall

Dear Professor McGonagall

It is unprofessional to threaten to shove your wand up your bosses nose also Lemon Drop.

Sincerely A.D Problem Page

Many thanks A.D

Thanks to JusticeIsBlind13 for reviewing 


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

Death Eaters are not awesome purple kangaroos they are in fact double crossing interbreeding hypocritical morons and that's a fact.

You cannot blackmail, threaten or bribe any Professor into doing your homework, its your homework you have to do it and no I don't care that its about as fun as standing on broken glass because I had suffer doing homework and so shall you.

Problem Page

Dear Dumbles

My Twin sister keeps wearing my new clothes before me and its so annoying how do I make her stop.

Sincerely Ella

Dear Ella

Hide your clothes somewhere your sister cannot find them also my name is not Dumbles.

Sincerely Dumbledore

Dear Dude with the long beard

I am bored, bored, bored

Rebecca

Dear Rebecca

Read a book or something and don't call me Dude with the long Beard

Sincerely Dumbledore

Dear Headmaster

Why did Lily love an arrogant little twit like Potter and not me.

Sincerely S.S

Dear S.S

Maybe its because you called her a mudblood, hung around Pureblood extremist and then joined Voldemort.

Sincerely A.D

Problem Page

Thanks to JusticeIsBlind13 and Hermione is My Role Model for reviewing 


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students

You are not allowed to write to Bellatrix Lestrange suggesting that she tricks Voldemort into getting her pregnant then he will love nor are you suggest she name the baby Bellamort and no you cannot babysit little Bellamort.

Bubble gum is not a good defense against the killing curse and telling the first years that it will is completely wrong.

Problem Page

Dear Professor My sister is obsessed with Gilderoy Lockhart, what can I do to persuade her he's an arrogant fraud?  
Sincerely, The Awesomest Ravenclaw Ever

Dear The Awesomest Ravenclaw Ever If she wants to believe in that idiotic, pompous little git, let her.  
She'll come to her senses soon enough.  
Sincerely, A.D.  
P.S. Awesomest is not a word.

Problem page

Thanks to Hermione Is My Role Model for reviewing 


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer I Do Not Own Harry Potter

Dear Students

Just because a toilet floods there is no need to scream " Run for your lives Deatheaters are coming through toilet " because honestly Deatheaters are to up there selves to try and break in Hogwarts via a toilet.

Professor McGonagall is not to be addressed as Minnie, Kitty, Cat woman or Pretty Turnip Queen.  
Problem Page

Dear Headmaster

Severus keeps insulting my Hufflepuffs and if you don't want me to hex him into the next century you better talk to him.

Professor Sprout

Dear Professor Sprout

I will have a word with Severus but I Must say Resorting to hexing someone is never the answer .

Sincerely A.D

Problem Page

Thanks to Professor McGonagal for reviewing 


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Dear Students, More specifically Fred and George Weasley who think its okay to do dangerous and stupid stunts such as trying to slide down the grand stair case on a sledge , sorry for that small rant students it's just sometimes I think half of you lack common sense, which brings me to the reason why you've received a newsletter three days earlier than usual, since some of you do seem unable to use your common sense here are theses following things are banned ,

Rubber spiders because Madame Pompfrey is sick of having to give a calming draught to students as a two certain red heads find it hilarious to watch there younger brother freak out, Golden singing slugs and Silver singing snails, I don't even know where they come from and clown mask .

Sincerely A.D 


End file.
